Archive for the 'A Glimpse into The Madness' Category

Smoke Cigarettes

August 11, 2008

I’ve been depressed since tuesday. This girl I’d fallen for told me that she wasn’t interested after the first date. Yeah, 25 year olds can be emo too. As the week went on, I began to criticize myself more and more, until today when I recognized that my pursuit of all things material was done in vein, and that I can be perfectly content without any of the things I’d put so much emphasis upon during the past year.

Then tonight, I walked up to the CTA redline station at 35th, stood around waiting for my train, and saw a man with his friend, smoking a cigarette. He was maybe 35 years old, had a decent, manly look, and looked completely cool as he smoked his cigarette.

Then, a cop walked up to him, and told him that he could not smoke on the platform. This bothered me greatly, because the tax dollars of both tobacco producers, as well as the man himself went towards the creation & upkeep of that very station. Smoking is completely legal, why the fuck shouldn’t this guy be able to smoke a cigarette, standing no less than 40 feet from every other patron of the station, causing inconvenience to absolutely no one?

However, this guy, as cool as fucking shit, took 3 more hits of his cigarette right in front of the cop before flicking it into the dan ryan expressway.

I have been a proponent of smoker’s rights ever since the city started telling private business owners that they aren’t allowed to let smokers smoke in their establishments. If you don’t like the fact that people are smoking around you, go somewhere else. Business owners should have the right to choose whether or not they want people smoking in their establishments. This isn’t china. We’re supposed to have freedom. Don’t give me your bullshit about second hand smoke either. My mother smoked around me from age 4 to 22, and my health was just fine. Maybe the smoke irritated my eyes on some days where allergens were already kicking my ass, but I still grew up into a completely healthy man, and even grew out of all of my allergies by forcing myself to be around all of the things I was allergic to for extended periods of time where I would be required to breath heavily.

But, back to my story. This guy inspired me. He disobeyed authority right to their fascist fucking faces, and still walked away without penalty.

My train then appeared, and I took that north to chinatown, and made it my intention to walk to wallgreens and buy a pack of cigarettes. As I walked down the street, I saw all the fakes. It’s easy to spot a fake. Any guy who is out on a double date is a fake. I saw maybe 3 different groups of couples double dating, and I despised every guy I saw. Maybe I’m a little jealous, or maybe I’m just really anti-social. I just can’t stand the thought of someone taking these people seriously. Some of them looked in my direction, but I just ignored them and walked down cermak towards my new dream.

At wallgreens, I purchased a pack of bic lighters, and a pack of newport cigarettes. I hadn’t tried smoking cigarettes since I was 16 when a friend offered me one. All of the smokers I know tend to stick to newports, so I bought a pack, and left.

I opened the pack, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and then began walking to work on the other side of cermak at calumet. Usually when I walk down the street, people give me strange looks. It is a little bit of a rough area, and people don’t usually expect to see a white guy on that street at night. However, with a cigarette in my hand, people looked me in a new way. Like a human being who had real problems. Nobody spoke to me. They just looked me, smiled a little bit, and went back to whatever they were doing.

If you’re a sad, lonely nerd, smoking cigarettes is the best, and coolest thing you can do. Even if you do get bummed out, having your addiction fulfilled will revive your spirit. Additionally, you’ll look extraordinarily cool, and women might even find you more attractive because they can’t see the whole ‘*nerd*’ thing you have going in the background.

to a better place out in outer space

November 15, 2006

Evening Gents,
on sunday night i didn’t really want to sleep so i didn’t

then monday i lounged around, and did laundry

around 4 i got an idea to go out biking, i was thinking “push the limit” for some reason.

so i put on some very thick gloves since it was very cold outside, and i also put on a winter coat, and some pants, and my winter hat under my helmet, and I went out biking for a while. When i started biking, i noticed two things: one, my brakes were tighter, much more sensitive to the touch. Two, i couldn’t really feel anything with these gloves on.

I biked for a very long time, about 13 miles, and on this dirt road, it was unusually bumpy, so i turned off the compression in my shock to help keep everything stable during the ride, and that worked out for a while.

Then i was on a regular sidewalk in town, when I got a ridiculous idea to turn compression in my shock back on. So, i sort of leaned over so i could slide the little gauge off, but i had forgotten that the compression off, so i immediately dipped when i leaned onto the handlebars, and then because i wasn’t completely aware, i accidentally applied full pressure to the front brake.

That sent me straight over the handlebars, and my bike over me. I naturally went straight to the ground, and didn’t feel any immediate pain. When i moved over, my elbow hurt a little, and so did my wrist. Apparently i rolled into the crash, and managed to not damage my face. I did hurt my abs, and my elbow, though it’s nothing serious.

When I got up, i was covered in flowers, and my bike was upside down, rear tire in this bucket of flowers, completely backwards. I didn’t feel bad, i looked over at the people in traffic, stopped at a stoplight, and one women smiled at me. I smiled back, and things were pretty cool.

I picked the bike up, and the little thing that my computer mounts on had snapped in half. I managed to fix that when i got back home. That’s about it.

No noticeable damage was done to the bike. I didn’t ride today because my abs still hurt, and it got dark too quickly. That’s about it.

Have a nice day, people.

My letter to Mike Bouchard

October 2, 2006

Here in michigan, there’s a republican senate candidate named Mike Bouchard. A majority of his ads simply complain about the current representative, Debbie Stabenow, but today I caught one of the ads where he talks about himself, and he gave his url: www.mikeformichigan.com. I just had to see the genius that was brewing within that website, so I punched the keys on my keyboard, and eventually his website came up.

After reading over his issues page, I just had to send him a letter expressing how I felt about it. So, I cooked up this email, and addressed it to info@mikeformichigan.gov.

Here’s the email:

Hello Mike,

“My plan to keep America‚Äôs children safe focuses on using the recently established National Sex Offenders Database to keep sex offenders out of schools. It also contains a provision to allow the Justice Department to create a database to track the IP addresses of known sex offenders.”

Are you aware that not everyone has their own static ip address? Most people’s IP addresses are dynamic. How about those Wide-Area-Networks, where entire neighborhoods, and buildings share the same ip address? How would you feel if your neighbor was listed as a sexual offender, and you were also listed as a result of your provider’s configuration? Do want providers to start giving every single person their own IP address? There is a limit of 4,294,967,296 ip addresses under the current working version of the internet protocol. With the number of people who use the internet, I don’t think that solution would work.

Are you aware that instant messaging services don’t even establish a direct user-to-user connection during regular text based messaging, but instead simply connect each user to one server, and users never directly connect to each other? How is having a list of sex offender ip addresses going to help parents when they never even see the offender’s ip address? Do you want the IM providers to compromise user security, and make everyone’s ip addresses completely visible?

This idea protects no one, and I don’t think you took anything into account. You just wanted to appear tech-savvy to all of michigan’s idiot parents, whose only knowledge of the internet comes from what they see on CSI.

All the best,

Mike Q. Bailey
esquire

Mike was also a sheriff some time ago. I was going to include this bit:

P.S. I had hotdogs for dinner tonight. I just thought you might have been interested, having known so many dead pigs during your previous career

But I thought that might have come off as threatening. So, I just cut that little bit out.

I’m hoping he replies. I’ll let you know if he does.

An update from this weekend

September 16, 2006

I woke up naked and confused and smeared in mud, and i looked at her and i said “that ain’t barebeque sauce, that’s blood! What the fuck’s wrong with this picnic!?”

Then suddenly i felt ashamed and a little bit sick. But I didn’t feel ashamed for me, I felt ashamed for all the faceless children, all you lost little sheep.

The trouble with life

September 14, 2006

I haven’t been outside in 2 days because of rain.

I haven’t been feeling happy in a long time. A lot of people give me shit just because they want to take me down a notch. No valid reason, they just want to check my response.

Being a biker, I always incur the rage of drivers. Regarldless if I’m in their way or not, they always think they’re better than me. A few weeks ago i was traveling west through oxford, and some fat dick yelled “faggot” from his pickup truck. No reason to, I guess he just felt he needed to.

Laws say we’re supposed to be riding with traffic, but I know that drivers believe we are an inconvience, so I stay on the sidewalk when I can. However, this driver made me quit caring about drivers, as well as my own safety. So, I’m going to start biking on the road more. If I get hit, I’m completely in the right, and I’ll collect a big settlement if a driver hits me. And if I get in the way of a driver, slowing down his trip, he can just deal with it.

Drivers need to learn one the basic rules of the roads, drive defensively. I’m getting back to learning how to drive, and I’m going to make sure I never forget that. Too many of the rednecks out here drive like they own the road, and I believe it’s time to take them down a notch or two.

Wanna hit me? I’ve got a good memory, and I’ll have your license plate memorized. I always wear a helmet, so unless you turn around and attempt to kill me, I’ll survive. After I heal, I’ll stake out that fucking road, find your car, and follow you back home. How would you like that? Having all of your construction wages going to someone who is probably going to spend all your money on a new bike? How about the inevitable fact that your wife will probably take your kids and leave you after the money runs out?

Remember this, drivers. If you fuck with one biker, he is crazy, and he will ruin your life if you choose to fuck with him. He might even hang out with other bikers, who will assist him in ruining your life. Maybe you should go back and read your “what every driver must know” book. Many of you have forgotten the basics.

“NEVER FORGET”

September 5, 2006

I really don’t like it when people say that. We should try to forget it. The more you dwell on it, the more angry / sad you get. How long did it take before we quit hating the japanese for bombing pearl harbor?

My life.. Biking a lot. Haven’t got the camera out due to rain concerns. Will be going out to addison oaks this week to get pictures of the dad’s new trail.

I’ve been meaning to break onto the land of the nearby gravel pit to get some industrial-type photos of their equipment. Trouble is, they have offices there, and guards regularly patrol the area. So, I’d have to get out there on the weekend. Another problem, the last time I tried going over there, I spotted a guard, and that was on a sunday. I could probably get out there if I entered from the south, and traveled east. One of the biggest problems with the land is there’s a gigantic fuckin’ lake between the equipment, and the main road. So, if I had to run, I would have to speed as fast as I could several miles, and they would probably have pleanty of time to get police to the gate.

Well.. that’s all I have.

Fall is coming up. that’s when the real fun comes to internet.

uh-matt

July 9, 2006

i wish i was uh-matt.

some more words

July 3, 2006

Hello internet family,
here’s what I’ve done since the last post:

Gave up porn until friday.
Gave up eating at night until saturday when I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at like 11pm
Rode bike for a long time
Did some photoshoping on some new and old photos
Published a photo blog
Rode my bike through extremely hazardous traffic to see the fireworks (forgot camera, Fuck!)
Bought a mitch hedberg cd
Tuned my bass guitar

Yeah, the porn giveup lasted 4 days. I’m happy to have lasted that long without going nuts.
Eating at night is difficult because i’m always hungry.
I rode bike every day like usual.
I photoshopped some new and old photos for that photo blog that i mentioned in the point below that.

The bike trip to orion for the fireworks was the worst idea I’ve had this year. The dad and I left home at 9pm, and biked as fast as we could to orion. I did about 20 miles an hour for the entire trip there, and i was a sweaty mess just after the first 5 mile trip. Downtown orion was barely recognizable, and I almost got hit several times.

Dad and I went out to his friend’s house where we could get a good view of the fireworks. We were able to see the fireworks for the first half, and then there was a 15 minute technical failure. Then they started again, but the barge they were firing from was floating away, thus preventing us from seeing the greater portion of the second half.

The trip back was even more chaotic. Everything was stop and go, except we couldn’t stop. So, it was slow down, and go, and then come close to crashing over this curb, and then get yelled at by a drunk girl who doesn’t seem to like people who ride bikes.

My bike was having trouble for about a week. It’s fixed now. It was making a strange clicking noise on every peddal rotation, it doesn’t anymore.

I bought a mitch hedberg cd today. It’s pretty funny.

When I got home i tuned my bass guitar. That was a time consuming process.

That’s all i have. This blog post was brought to you by winterfresh, the official chewing gum provider of mikey’s blog thing.

Giving up a few things this week

June 27, 2006

This week I’m giving up two things.

1) Eating at night
2) Masturbating

Giving up each of these things is immensly difficult. I always get hungry after I brush my teeth (brushed at 11pm), and I whenever I have nothing to do, I break out the porn.

I am giving up the masturbation because of the fact that every time i jack off, something bad happens, and each day i avoid it, i build up a good luck strain. So, I figure if I give it up for a week or two, I’ll have enough good luck to pull of something really awesome. In addition to that, I always feel better in the middle of the day if I haven’t looked at porn or anything like that.

You might ask “Why are you giving it up now?” . Well, tonight I was riding my bike through the woods, and I ran into a guy I knew several years ago. His name’s Matt Zimmerman, and he’s wanted to beat my head flat ever since he got the idea that I stole his cell phone. During our original encounter, he forced me to take the blame for his missing cell phone, and said he would beat me up and kill me with his friends if I didn’t. so, I took the blame, and agreed to pay him for his new phone. This encounter was back when I was a teenager, and this forced me to become a recluse for fear that he and his friends would murder me if they found me out in public.

Well, Tonight i just saw him, and biked away before he could say anything. I did get kind of pissed off at myself for not saying anything. So, it’s my plan to build up a strain of good luck by not masturbating, and tell him to fuck off to his face some time after a week has passed.

Hopefully this plan works out. The guy certainly deserves it for fucking up my life so bad.

As for why i’m giving up the late night eating… I just need to, that’s all. I want to lose this weight faster, and I think this will help. My current weight is 230, so I did pass my 50 pound mark. I need to lose more faster though.

In other news, I plan on visiting the fireworks/carnival this weekend. I hope to get some photos of the fireworks, but I”m not sure if the weather will be camera safe. So, We’ll just see how the weather is on sunday. The carnival should be fun though. All the carnies have filled up the parking lot by the pond in orion with their Rv’s and such. I Think they’ll start setting up some time later this week.

Here’s a picture of me. Some people have said I don’t look ugly anymore. Huzzah for that.

A

June 4, 2006

Yeah, I’m alive. here’s some things i’ve been doing in my ultra-hip life.

Some night.. Friday I think – I went out on a bike ride, and on my way back home I decided i’d stop by that music store in town. So, I stopped by and eventually some young people walked in, and started setting up some instruments. Then more teens walked in, and started doing some more shit that was related to the shit that was being done by the first group of teens. One of the teens was a real nerd,and any time he spoke, he was winded. I am not sure why, but I guess i feel bad for the teen. The first band had 3 keyboards, and I decided it would be a good idea if I left.

I talked to the owner about selling the bass guitar, he recommended I not do it because I might be interested in picking it up when I’m old. I agreed.

Some night I tried setting up ubuntu. Same problems as last time. I did install freebsd, and got sick of using it because of compile problems, and compiling on other things taking a really long time.

I’m probably going to setup that ultra-ata pci card some time in the next couple weeks. It would help with some things.. yeah.

Yeha, I’m still riding the bike.The odometer currently reads 622.8. Hoorah, i passed my goal of 620 miles before my birthday. I’ve been considering pushing myself to do 400 more miles before birthday, in order to have 1000 miles, but I don’t think that’s a really good idea. I think I’ll shoot for 750 miles by birthday.

I’ve been biking out to orion a lot, lately. The kids who hangout in town have started to notice me, and I get a wave every once in a while.

Food is pretty good, it’s just too bad all the good foods cause weight gain.

I went to KFC last night to have one of those famous bowls. Here’s a breakdown of the bowl for those who are not familiar:

  • Top Layer – Cheese
  • Third Layer – Some chicken nuggets
  • Second Layer – Sweet Corn
  • Bottom Layer – Mashed potatoes and Gravy

Docevil from the something awful forums can be quoted as saying “I’d eat the FUCK out of that thing”, and that’s just what I did.

It was pretty good, and it was well worth getting rained on in the process of getting to KFC.

I’m pretty much out of money. I have 6 dollars in my pocket. I’m not sure what i’ll buy with it.

I’ve had an idea in my head for a little while. I’m planning on setting myself on fire, and then jumping in a lake. I think that’s what I’ll be doing on my birthday.

And that’s all i have for you. Have a nice day, folks.