who do you go to

August 13, 2009

I’ve been dealing with depression since I was about 6 years old when I discovered for the first time that it’s possible to have flaws myself. Although I can recall many times when I was blissfully happy, and those moments overshadow the times of depression I had when I was growing up, the episodes of depression I’ve had since about 2006 seem to be overshadowing the moments of happiness I’ve had.

Maybe it’s simply a matter of numbers. More of my time has been spent depressed than happy. I really don’t know. I’m not the most introspective person out there. I might know that I’m a certain way, and I might be honest about what’s going on in my mind, But I don’t know what causes me to be this way, you know?

In the past I’ve had people I could talk to about these problems. But lately it seems I only bring distress to the people I try to get help from. How do you tell your greatest confidant that the way your relationship functions depresses you without putting a lot of unnecessary stress on that person, or driving that person further away from you?

A few weeks ago I came to the conclusion that I should probably be seeing a therapist. So, I looked up ‘chicago therapists’ on google, found a few therapists I believed could help me, wrote down their contact information, and contacted one via email, and one via phone call.

These people were Ms. Kirsten Randall Belzer (clinical social work / therapist), and Dr. Don Elggin (Psychologist / PHD). Belzer was contacted via email, and Elggin was called & left a message. It’s been 8 days since I emailed, and 4 days since I’ve called. I specifically held out on contacting other psychologists and therapists because I expected these people to contact me within at least 1 business day.

You would think someone working in mental health would have the sense to contact a potential client as soon as possible. What if their client suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder? They could easily worsen a person’s psychological state by ignoring them for an extended period of time. I clearly stated why I needed to see a therapist, what my phone number is, and even what my phone number is. Am I supposed to be going about this another way? Should I just down a bottle of pills with as much jack daniels as i can stand, go to the hospital the next day, and have the emergency room personnel contact the therapist to let them know that I’m ready?

I can’t talk to fucking anyone. A relationship will form, I’ll become frustrated with myself over my interaction with that person, and that relationship will just be another debilitator. I need someone I hold no social relationship with. Someone I can just meet regularly to discuss all of my god damn problems. I can’t fucking handle this anymore.


5 Responses to “who do you go to”

  1. trina Says:

    Now, in response to your disrepect to peter popoff miracle water and healing touch.It is not him that heals the people. He only guides them. If a person has faith and believe that God will heal them. Then, it will happened. There are times when I felt depressed and I prayed very hard. My prayers are answered throuugh either my dreams or I get the answers from the passage in the Bible. Everyone has their own beliefs and no one should judge anyone, unless they have been called to preach. Our Father who arT in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy will be down on earth. That it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as those who trespass against us. Let us not unto temtation but deliver us from evil. For thy is the kingdom, Thy will be done as it is in heaven. You can not judge another person unless you make judgements pertaining to yourself. What is your self worth? I get so tired of everyone bashing eachother on the website. If you don’t have positive things to say about a person then keep it to your self. In my opinion the internet is a great asset to the individual who use it for the right cause. Not to spread rumors about people who try hard to live to the best of their ability. If you are a true believer in the higher force. Therefore you will know if a prophet is false or really want to help people. In the bible it said, that each member should pay 10% of their earnings. This is to show Lord that we hear him and agree with him asking to give a donation. If the Pastor uses the tithes to get rich. Therefore,he must answer to God on his judgement day. It’s not our call,but to wish him well. This message is not to criticize anyone but to let them know that they should give a person the chance to defend themselves.

  2. mike bailey Says:

    I hope you give all of your money to him, and have to give blowjobs to crooked ministers to get back on your feet.

  3. Kirsten Belzer Says:

    I read here on your blog that you contacted me via email in August and received no reply. I am very sorry, but I received no email from you and suspect it may have gone to my spam folder. I am very good about following up within 24 hours with anyone who contacts me and state on the Psychology Today website that if you send an email and don’t hear from me within 24 hours to please call me at 773-643-1940, as I didn’t get the email. I hope you have been able to find help since you began your search. Best Wishes, Kirsten Belzer, LCSW

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