Smoke Cigarettes

August 11, 2008

I’ve been depressed since tuesday. This girl I’d fallen for told me that she wasn’t interested after the first date. Yeah, 25 year olds can be emo too. As the week went on, I began to criticize myself more and more, until today when I recognized that my pursuit of all things material was done in vein, and that I can be perfectly content without any of the things I’d put so much emphasis upon during the past year.

Then tonight, I walked up to the CTA redline station at 35th, stood around waiting for my train, and saw a man with his friend, smoking a cigarette. He was maybe 35 years old, had a decent, manly look, and looked completely cool as he smoked his cigarette.

Then, a cop walked up to him, and told him that he could not smoke on the platform. This bothered me greatly, because the tax dollars of both tobacco producers, as well as the man himself went towards the creation & upkeep of that very station. Smoking is completely legal, why the fuck shouldn’t this guy be able to smoke a cigarette, standing no less than 40 feet from every other patron of the station, causing inconvenience to absolutely no one?

However, this guy, as cool as fucking shit, took 3 more hits of his cigarette right in front of the cop before flicking it into the dan ryan expressway.

I have been a proponent of smoker’s rights ever since the city started telling private business owners that they aren’t allowed to let smokers smoke in their establishments. If you don’t like the fact that people are smoking around you, go somewhere else. Business owners should have the right to choose whether or not they want people smoking in their establishments. This isn’t china. We’re supposed to have freedom. Don’t give me your bullshit about second hand smoke either. My mother smoked around me from age 4 to 22, and my health was just fine. Maybe the smoke irritated my eyes on some days where allergens were already kicking my ass, but I still grew up into a completely healthy man, and even grew out of all of my allergies by forcing myself to be around all of the things I was allergic to for extended periods of time where I would be required to breath heavily.

But, back to my story. This guy inspired me. He disobeyed authority right to their fascist fucking faces, and still walked away without penalty.

My train then appeared, and I took that north to chinatown, and made it my intention to walk to wallgreens and buy a pack of cigarettes. As I walked down the street, I saw all the fakes. It’s easy to spot a fake. Any guy who is out on a double date is a fake. I saw maybe 3 different groups of couples double dating, and I despised every guy I saw. Maybe I’m a little jealous, or maybe I’m just really anti-social. I just can’t stand the thought of someone taking these people seriously. Some of them looked in my direction, but I just ignored them and walked down cermak towards my new dream.

At wallgreens, I purchased a pack of bic lighters, and a pack of newport cigarettes. I hadn’t tried smoking cigarettes since I was 16 when a friend offered me one. All of the smokers I know tend to stick to newports, so I bought a pack, and left.

I opened the pack, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and then began walking to work on the other side of cermak at calumet. Usually when I walk down the street, people give me strange looks. It is a little bit of a rough area, and people don’t usually expect to see a white guy on that street at night. However, with a cigarette in my hand, people looked me in a new way. Like a human being who had real problems. Nobody spoke to me. They just looked me, smiled a little bit, and went back to whatever they were doing.

If you’re a sad, lonely nerd, smoking cigarettes is the best, and coolest thing you can do. Even if you do get bummed out, having your addiction fulfilled will revive your spirit. Additionally, you’ll look extraordinarily cool, and women might even find you more attractive because they can’t see the whole ‘*nerd*’ thing you have going in the background.


5 Responses to “Smoke Cigarettes”

  1. T.J. Says:

    I totally agree. People should have those sort of rights. If people want to smoke, let them smoke. It’s their descision, and I’m tired of the government scaring the general public into a frenzy about all the chemicals and second hand somke and cancer causing agents cigarettes contain…like, what can’t you get cancer from anyway? If you get it you get it. Life goes on. It seems to me that you can get cancer from everything these days. Even though I quit smoking I still don’t mind when people do it around me. But on the other hand in my native american background tobacco is very sacred, and not to be wasted or abused but respected. Other than that I quit for numerous other reasons, but I’m not about to be hypocritical and say to people you are a dirty smoker and you’re going to get cancer and die. It’s just not in my nature to critisize people in that way.

    Oh, and by the way, Mikey, I wanted to talk to you regarding a few comments I left on your blog about Peter Popoff about a year ago. Lets just say opinions change dramatically within a year, but I still stand strong about my feelings toward the guy, so I still despise him in many ways. Don’t worry, I’m no virus and do not intend to harm you in any way lol, but if you do happen to stumble across this comment, please contact me at, I would very much appreciate it!

  2. nate Says:

    hey man, stumbled across your shit looking for old loveline episodes. that’s awesome you saw that smokes are cool and whatnot, but have just quit 3 weeks ago after 4 years of smoking a pack a day, the coolness wears off real fast when the very girl your trying to get by smoking cigarettes actually ends up hating you for smoking them. yeah, i quit for the girl, but mostly i used her as an excuse to quit for myself. i just went on a run for the first time in years last night, and guess what, it sucked fucking balls. wheezed my ass off. but i sure as hell wouldn’t even have tried a month ago. so don’t do it man, ditch the pack. embrace your insecurities and find the chick that has the same one’s. otherwise you’ll end up with some chick who smokes, then you’re really fucked.

    or maybe i’m reading too much into this and you just were performing a social experiment. either way, cool post.


  3. sandrar Says:

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

  4. Sign: zdbrw Hello!!! zkwqt and 900nhwztkgern and 2599 : Sorry, what did you mean?? A??

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